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As I sit here this evening not able to sleep I have lots of thoughts traveling in my mind.  I am troubled by a relationship I’ve had in the past few years.  You think you know someone and then as that relationship ends you discover the truth.  There had been troubled waters one last time we seen one another.  I’ve tried a few times to clear those waters and have been ignored. Since the attempts I’ve learned some things that have sadden my heart for these friends.  Tonight I took the first step of saying goodbye and letting those unhealthy relationships go.  It was hard to start with delete within our social networks, but I know it was the right thing to do.  Create that space.  As I deleted I battled with doing so and not doing so… I know in my spirit I needed to and I finally did.  It’s sometimes hard to do the right thing.

I can accept peace in knowing I’ve done what was necessary and that Jesus will pour out His joy into my life.  I know He is smiling at me for accepting His hand while letting go.  He will fill that void with healthy new relationships as I move forward in 2009.

——   We all have many enemies, know that our God is our protector — Psalm 3: 1- 8 & Psalm 4: 1-8 (my morning and evening prayer)

Today is the first day of the week and it started off rough. I woke up, a blessing, I felt better, a blessing, I have my family and my husband awake with me, a blessing, I have a car which runs, a blessing, I a home full of pets, a blessing, I have a home, a blessing, I have the freedom to read my bible, a blessing, I have a tv to watch the news, a blessing, I have the internet to communicate with friends and family, a blessing, i have food to eat, a blessing, I have people who want to hang out with me, a blessing, I have running water, a blessing, I have clothes and their clean, a blessing… and that’s only to name a few blessings. But one thing that can spoil all the blessings is fighting with my step son first thing in the morning.  Makes me feel like a real horrible mom.  What a way for my teens to start their day.  Not only did I make his Monday a horrible one, but it affected each of the kids.  We have a rough relationship as it is and things have been going real well the past two weeks.  Then BOOM!  I let old self get in the way, over something so simple.  Why do teens have to make things so complicated; why do I allow myself to get so worked up instead of just keep a level head.  For the morning I let the identity thieves come in my mind and overwhelm me at what I should of done, how horrible I really am.  It didn’t take me as long as it use too, but I finally cried out to Jesus.  I finally took the time I needed to repent and work it out.  I put the steps in place to bring healing to this relationship and I took the step to apologize to each of them.  I talked with him during his lunch break and after school about how we need to change things.  I know its not only me, but I can only work on myself and recognize what I can do to change things.  I am thankful for friends that share even the little things in their lives that mean so much to others.  When we allow God to use us through our simple thoughts and deeds.  Thank you Amy for your post on Facebook today! It’s just what I needed to read and hear!  I’ve pasted in the simple note that she posted for all to read…. 🙂

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Last weekend at the Beyond Women’s Event, sweet Shari talked about identity. Thieves in many forms can steal it… but God creates and recreates it.

What steals your identity as you see yourself?

Sometimes I feel…
invisible, unworthy, tired, lonely, poor body image, guilty, bitter, finances, last, rejected, envious, lost, single

What is your identity as God sees you?

But in Christ I am…
accepted, friend, forgiven, comforted, adopted, called, free, loved, protected, beautiful

~Romans 12:2~
Do not conform anylonger to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

Wow, I shouldnt be amazed at what God is doing in my family’s life, but I am in awe of His Majesty and wonder how I could I not want to serve Him or follow Him.

I have some praise reports happening right now as we speak, surely none of these concerns of mine are in the completion stages but they are mid way through and its time to share the JOY and give PRAISE where it is due… I’ll be back I’m sure to share the endings of each of these:

PRAISE REPORTS:

1. My sister has been going through a divorce and its been rough.  God has brought her down on her knees with her hands held up to him and her head hung low.  Now she’s standing with her arms outstretched and head high, shoulders back and Praises just following through every word out of her mouth!  She was on the stand yesterday with confidence, knowing that her God is with her and no one can come against her.  Honesty and obediance are her refuge…. He will overcome, she is victorious with her 4 children!

2.  My sister has had a major surgery and a had time dealing with it.  Not just surgery wise of learning to live a different lifestyle.  But her whole life is changing before her eyes.  As she has grown close to her new relationships at church and with Jesus, everything is new.  We learn as we draw closer to him our secrets are revealed and we must face those demons and bury them with Christ or turn our backs on Him.  The choice is ours.  I am PROUD of YOU SIS!!!  You are an amazing Sister and I’m so glad Christ has come into your life.  She has been battling a pain killer addiction and has taken the step of getting the help she needs.  She did it without any knowledge to anyone, just signed herself into the hospital!!! Isn’t God good!  He is amazing and I’m so glad he’s moving throughout my family.

3.  I am currently unemployed and not sure what he has next for me.  He has told me to prepare my home, go deep and clean it out, get it organized and be ready.  We are just about done.  Really been working hard on this task and keeping focused.  I think one more week and its complete!  Then what?  I’m truly not sure.  I know I want a flexible position, I know I want to work from an office and from home, I know I want Taylor to have the freedom to be with me or not, I know I need to be available for our boys in the morning and after school, and I know I want to be used in making a difference in people’s lives. Okay God, I’m yours use me, you know the desires of my heart.  I’m Yours!

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PRAYER REQUESTS

1.  Zachary’s Fundraising — Trip for National Security in Washingston DC (Life changing event) He stll needs to raise $1800…. Praise he received $210 so far….

2.  Taylor — Swimming, she wants to join the swim team again and we can’t afford it currently so she has asked to work for it with the coaches.  She has a meeting with coach to discuss what they can work out. 🙂

3.  Jake — Job interview at the Gap Outlet!  Our relationship as it continues to grow and become more healthy.

4. Ron — His orders are due to be cut by February.

5.  Joann — Divorce finalization, that God finds favor for her and her kids

6.  Diane — Recovery

7.  Michael — That he be surrounded by Christian men and his heart be soften to know Christ.

8.  Mom — Her car situation and that the house would sell quickly.

9. Christina — Her heart to be filled with God’s goodness and to place other women around her that she can build a relationship or two where she’s at.

10. Christina — That God continues to give her the strength and mends her heart filling it with memories and joy!

11. Kris and Chris — Their marriage would be one that they treasure and put first after Christ.  They continue to grow as one.

12. Me (Carol) — A Job…

Currently I wish I could be inspiring and funny or something.  My brain must be draining, cuz I can’t think right now.  Do you have those days where you know there is stuff happening up there but you kind of lose it and can’t get it out.  hahaha 🙂

I voted today.  People wonder why did I waste time standing in line to vote, was it really worth it or not.  I guess I don’t understand that thought.  I think its a privilege to give our point of view freely in this country.  So many others don’t have the freedom to have a say in their government.  Ya we may not get the final say, but we have our chance.  Each one matters.  Also I think God gave us choices and we need to stand in for what he would stand for and giving our opinion is doing that.

What is your thought?

And for those interested in my blogs, I will be blogging in the evenings my time (PST).


Okay a few weeks ago I wrote about having lost my focus during a womens bible study which I attended.

Well here I thought, geesh why couldn’t I focus, I wanted to be there.  I even prayed as I forced myself to get out of the car, Lord I am here for you, I want to learn and be closer to you.  Please open my heart and let me hear from you.  Then I get in there excited a bunch of older women surround the room, not just my age but women I could learn from who have experienced life beyond me. As the study went on I lost focus, couldnt believe it was dragging on and started wondering when they would wrap up.  I was like God why do I feel this way.  I want to be here, I was ansy.  Couldnt sit stll.

Then we broke into small groups, I thought oh prayer time and over.  Nope, We went through it all again for another hour. Crazy I thought.

So when we broke and left, I called out God I don’t understand I wanted to be there.  Why do I lose my focus like that, why can’t I get into it, what am I missing.  I talked with Ron over it and thought to journal here to see if any of you have had this happen before.

Let me tell you what’s happened since.  I haven’t stopped thinking about the items we went over.  All that is in my mind are topics we discussed during that study.  Acts, where Paul was in jail and awakened by an angel and set free. How our words, the careless words will be judged, every one of them.  Think before we speak.  Prayer, how cleansing it is for our spirit and our lives. I think on these things daily.  When my kids say something or I stop to think before saying something useless, even Ron speaks… I watch our words and remind all of us about the carelessness that is used. Its crazy.

I remind them if you can’t say something nice or gossip, which is talking about someone to another in which they can’t help the situation then its gossip.  I am guilty of this with my sisters.  They talk about one another and just because we are family doesnt make it right.  Vent to God, vent to your spouse when your going into prayer time as a prayer request.  Journal to God…

So did I lose focus, I did in the flesh.  Spiritually I believe I was alive and learning from what was being said around me.  It wasn’t truly a lost cause.  I thank God that I had an open heart to hear his word that day and it has continued to remind me to ask for his strength and for him to speak to me when I attend fellowship anywhere.

August 2017
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