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Hi my friends… First, let me thank my on my instant call list when prayers are needed.. You Rock.  I am asking for prayers of recovery.  I was sent to the ER this morning and still unsure whats happening.  The doctor did an EKG, chest xrays, blood work, gave me a GI Drink, didnt work… Than she thought maybe anxiety/stress so she gave me some meds in the IV, well it may be crash hard to sleep.  She sent me home saying go Rest, follow up with your doctor, if it begins again this weekend, come back in.  Well I slept for 3 hours and my head still feels funny from whatever she gave me.


*So what happen… Thurs night upon going to bed, my chest felt funny, really weird feeling, kinda like your arm following alseep but no pins, following the chest sensation, my left arm all gets that same sensation and I have to like rub it rub it rub it, and I cant shake the feeling.  Then it passes and about 7 min later it starts again.  I have to take real deep breaths when my chest gets that feeling, i feel shaky, and from time to time I get light headed.

Needless to say now that I just got settled on my couch curled up and sipping on chicken broth, cuz I’m not hungry at all and havent eaten since my bagel this morning, its starting again.  Will I complain again this weekend, nope… If they didnt find something today, whats going to change… I felt stupid being there with in her eyes nothing was wrong, but maybe stress.  I’m thinking stress I don’t think so…. I have a great life… Right now all I am doing is staying home loving life and resting, taking it easy, praying for my next step and creating  a closer relationship w/Christ.  I’m in his hands, please just join me in prayer.  Any suggestions let me know. 🙂

Okay a few weeks ago I wrote about having lost my focus during a womens bible study which I attended.

Well here I thought, geesh why couldn’t I focus, I wanted to be there.  I even prayed as I forced myself to get out of the car, Lord I am here for you, I want to learn and be closer to you.  Please open my heart and let me hear from you.  Then I get in there excited a bunch of older women surround the room, not just my age but women I could learn from who have experienced life beyond me. As the study went on I lost focus, couldnt believe it was dragging on and started wondering when they would wrap up.  I was like God why do I feel this way.  I want to be here, I was ansy.  Couldnt sit stll.

Then we broke into small groups, I thought oh prayer time and over.  Nope, We went through it all again for another hour. Crazy I thought.

So when we broke and left, I called out God I don’t understand I wanted to be there.  Why do I lose my focus like that, why can’t I get into it, what am I missing.  I talked with Ron over it and thought to journal here to see if any of you have had this happen before.

Let me tell you what’s happened since.  I haven’t stopped thinking about the items we went over.  All that is in my mind are topics we discussed during that study.  Acts, where Paul was in jail and awakened by an angel and set free. How our words, the careless words will be judged, every one of them.  Think before we speak.  Prayer, how cleansing it is for our spirit and our lives. I think on these things daily.  When my kids say something or I stop to think before saying something useless, even Ron speaks… I watch our words and remind all of us about the carelessness that is used. Its crazy.

I remind them if you can’t say something nice or gossip, which is talking about someone to another in which they can’t help the situation then its gossip.  I am guilty of this with my sisters.  They talk about one another and just because we are family doesnt make it right.  Vent to God, vent to your spouse when your going into prayer time as a prayer request.  Journal to God…

So did I lose focus, I did in the flesh.  Spiritually I believe I was alive and learning from what was being said around me.  It wasn’t truly a lost cause.  I thank God that I had an open heart to hear his word that day and it has continued to remind me to ask for his strength and for him to speak to me when I attend fellowship anywhere.

Some of your won’t receive this letter in the mail from my son since he doesn’t know you personally but I thought I would post it here and if you are interested in helping him out please let me know.

02 November 08

Dear Family and Friends,

As you know I have been invited to go to Washington D.C. for a National Security Forum. Also, you know that I need to raise $2000 dollars for the tuition ($1440), plane ticket ($350), lunches ($100), and souvenirs ($110). To date I have been blessed to receive $210 dollars, which means I still need $1790 dollars by December 1st. I need to have at least $1440 dollars. If you can give provide any amount of money to help me out I would be very thankful. I have included in with this letter an outline sent to me of what activities and opportunities I will have on this trip.  If you could do me one more favor and call me to let me know if you will be able to provide anything.  I want to thank you for taking the time to read and consider this life changing forum for me.  I can be reached at (805) 612-3110.  For each of you that can provide I will send a follow up letter and pictures from my trip once I return.  Pray with me that God would provide me the way to go to Washington.

Thank you,

Zach

———————————————————————-

I can help support you Zach in the amount below:

___ $10     ___$25      ___$50     ___$75     ___$100     ___$250     ___$500

Okay so today I did my morning devotion it was good.  I joined the Ladies Life Group this morning and I was bit undecided when I got there if I wanted to go in.  I looked around the parking lot and then saw a few ladies go in.  I remember back to the fact this Bible Study wasnt about me; Its about a relationship with Jesus.  I decided to go in as I walked in I prayed Lord open my heart so I can grow closer to you.

The study is on Power of a Praying Woman.  I was excited when I walked in and saw a group of older women, ones not my age or younger, but older.  I enjoy that from time to time.  After 40min into the lesson I started to drift, lost focus.  I started wondering how much longer would we be there. 20 min later we broke into small groups.  I thought of we must be getting together for prayer, nope I was wrong.  We had 3 questions to review and prayer time following.  I couldnt believe it, we really were going to go through the lesson again.  We already had an open discussion during the lesson.

Do you ever have those times you seem to lose focus and thought how much longer.  I was feeling disappointed in myself that I had lost interest in the lesson and wondered why I was feeling that way. I prayed again Lord why am I here, why do I feel like I’m back in old school.  A girl next to me started talking about Halloween and her son.  I listened to Grandma and Great Grandma’s response they were typical answers with bible verses and so forth.  Then we moved on to the following questions.  As I still watched the clock.  We finally made it to prayer time; they brought up the Halloween subject again and I finally spoke up.  I shared the way I dealt with being a single mom and a christian with her.  I know my exhusband didnt share my same values at the time.  I knew where she was at.  I told her I told my kids when they were 5,6,9 that Halloween was the Devil’s birthday just as Christmas was Jesus’s birthday.  As for our home we wont participate in the Devil’s birthday.  They totally understood it from that perspective.  Her eyes lighted up and she was so relieved at the simplicity of the explanation.  We then all prayed.  After prayer time, great grandma said she really liked the concept of the Devils’ birthday for Halloween.  Then I knew why I was there.

I do understand there are more biblical ways of explaining things but I do believe when it comes to each of us sometimes the simplicity of things is so much easier to understand.  We need to break things down for one another.

I still dont like the fact I lose focus.  Keeping my attention sometimes seems difficult.

Just wondering if I’m the only one who finds themselves watching clocks, doodling, not hearing what’s being spoken….

August 2017
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